Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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