Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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