Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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