fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
