M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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