In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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