why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize