I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize