You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
