my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize