Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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