One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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