Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
