Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
