i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
