In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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