so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
