I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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