Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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