then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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