i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think my moral compass just broke
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
