hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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