Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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