Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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