Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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