Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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