I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
