just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
