And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
