my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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