I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize