All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
