I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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