How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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