yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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