: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
