I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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