You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
