I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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