420 ftw
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
