There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
