trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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