Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
birth control should be required to get into college
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
