we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
