Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
