my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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