We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
