yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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