Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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