Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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