I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
