We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
