i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
