Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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