My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Is it because I queefed?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
