question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
