this beer tastes like vomit already
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
