i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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